Is cleaning really that depressing, or is it just me? Being in a relationship is hard, and it’s even harder when the heavy responsibility for everyday cleaning tasks falls onto the shoulders of one person within a relationship. This can be an issue within many different types of relationships—a roommate, siblings, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a pet monkey. I have heard the same story from many people. It seems that if one person in the relationship is cleaner or more organized than the other, that person assumes the responsibility for most of the cleaning. The other person has it a lot easier; because he or she doesn’t have to actually contribute to household cleaning or cooking, it’s easier for that person to keep quiet and continue with daily activities.
Now, the problem isn’t just about cleaning inequality. Like everything else in life, this particular problem is linked to what is called “the butterfly effect”: The vibration of one thought, or a movement as small as the waving of a butterfly’s wings, has a ripple effect through time and space, affecting the future that has been manifested.
OK, that’s a whole lot to take in. I know it’s hard to think that our smallest actions can change our future. This theory that Edward Lorenz put forth in 1972 is key to understanding the bigger picture in this everyday inequality problem and even bigger, more fundamental problems we face in our world today.
Now let’s say I am going to attempt to solve this problem of cleaning inequality. Well, I will test a few things. The first thing is communication. I can simply talk to my roommate or partner and kindly ask for help when the person sees me doing something. He or she may say sure, but when it comes down to it, we have different schedules, and when I’m cleaning, my partner could be working. OK, I get it; we are all individuals and have things to do. Instead, then, I propose to make a cleaning schedule, assigning certain tasks to each of us on certain days to make sure we all get in our hours. This way it’s fair and everybody gets stuff done, right? To say it simply: no. This only makes you look like a dick, and not everybody wants to clean a toilet on Sunday evenings. Well, then maybe you should do the worst job, and assign the person who hates cleaning to a simple task like watering the cactus every other month. Well, no, because then you’ll feel crappy again, and you want to stand up for your right to equality, and for god’s sake, the other person can clean a toilet seat.
What on earth are you supposed to do? At this point you have tried everything without calling out your roommate or partner for being a slob, and you didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings before, but now you just want to tell it straight and make the person cry a little. Whoa! Rage is coming out, but be careful: Someone might call you a clean freak, or worse…hormonal!
Let’s get something straight. This is all part of learning. You have to live with different people so you can figure out what suits you and what kind of partner you want in your life. Without these experiences, you will not have the knowledge to make good decisions. After all the horrific roommates I have had, now I seriously dig deep and choose wisely when it comes to living with people. Maybe I’m just a slow learner and had to have many roommates to get to this conclusion, but nevertheless, I’m here so you don’t have to make the same mistakes.
Living with people is not a simple task. You will soon realize how every little thing they do,you will be a witness to. Like the way they brush their teeth and spit all around the sink, because for some reason the big gaping hole that is their mouth seems to be too hard a target. Or the way they cook food and somehow manage to get pieces of chili stuck to the ceiling because it was that exciting to make. Let’s not forget the roommate who somehow can’t aim well enough to throw her tampons into the garbage, always leaving smear marks and sometimes chunks on the toilet seat and walls. No, I’m not making these stories up.
Disgusting stories out of the way, these incidents can make your blood pressure rise and steam come out of your ears; at least it did for me. This is a problem, yes, and I didn’t ask for roommates like those, but I had to learn that getting extremely angry and being passive-aggressive was not the answer to my problems. By acting that way and letting their actions have such strong emotional and physical effects on me, I was manifesting more of these incidents.
Not surprisingly, I encountered more messy roommates and disgusting events. Once I realized that I couldn’t keep on letting the messiness bother me and rule my day-to-day life, the effects started going away. I moved in with better people the following year, and wasn’t directly involved with any gross messes at work or at home anymore, and life seemed better.
The power of the mind is far greater than I had anticipated. Once I shifted my focus to other things, my worries melted away. I haven’t encountered disgusting roommates ever since. It’s incredible, because instead of gross problems, I have been filling my time buying yummy-smelling candles and beautiful home decor and figuring out what name to pick for our newly adopted kitten!
I spent time meditating on the type of experiences I wanted instead of focusing on the negatives. I remember wanting female roommates who were super clean, who did art, and who loved cats. People I could call family and genuinely laugh with. The very next year, I moved into a house with two girls, one boy, and a cat. My new housemates were super clean, artists, and people I can genuinely say now are like family to me.
I once underestimated the power of meditation and manifestation, but growing older has really taught me the truth. Once you accept full responsibility for your reality, you can tap into an energy force like no other and unleash your full potential. It’s not easy—it takes practice and commitment, like everything worth having—but it’s hella worth it!
The roommate situation is one thing, but feeling inequality in an intimate relationship is another thing! That’s a topic for next time.
