We all strive to make strong connections throughout our lives and avoid toxic friends. As children, we want to meet our BFF. As teenagers, we want someone who is funny and engaging to hang out with. As adults, our focus shifts to wanting true-blue gal pals who will see us through thick and thin.
By this point, we have become less tolerant of spacey, one-sided relationships that aren’t serving our needs. And that’s a great thing.
Why? Because toxic friends are not real friends. The sooner you separate yourself from those types of relationships, the better.
As an independent woman out to show the world your stuff, you may recognize someone dragging you down in your pursuits. Unfortunately, that might mean you need to drop a few of the friendships you’ve cultivated over time. But that isn’t such a bad thing! Here are three reasons to say sayonara to a friendship.
1. You’re not getting what you want out of the relationship.
Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we let the whims of others dictate what we do. “They want to go out drinking tonight? Then I will too!” “They want to spend all their time binge-watching Game of Thrones? Then so do I!”
But that’s not what you really want!
You want to try a new Chinese restaurant. You want to spend less time at the club. You don’t want to drink until you pass out.
Over time, an arrangement like this can’t work. Interests change, and other parts of life start taking priority. If your friend wants to continue behaving a certain way or having a certain lifestyle and you don’t, try addressing it together. If your friend doesn’t accommodate your needs, then it’s time to move on.
2. The relationship is completely one-sided.
Friendships should be give-and-take, not take-and-take. A good friend wouldn’t arrive late constantly, not answer your calls, and see you only when they need something. This is harmful not only to your relationship but also to you.
Take the time to decide if the relationship you have with this person is more focused on him or her than on the two of you together. Recognizing that the other person doesn’t have your back and isn’t contributing much to the relationship will help make it easier when it’s time to cut ties.
3. You are stagnating when you should be growing.
Our friendships are supposed to help us become better versions of ourselves, not keep us stuck in a rut. Think about what stage your relationship is in and where you want it to go. Also, think about where you want to go and whether your friend is helping you get there.
All good relationships grow and mature with time. But sometimes our friends are like our clothes—we grow out of them. It happens even when we’re not ready for a different wardrobe.
However, wearing something that doesn’t fit anymore doesn’t look or feel good—and keeping potentially toxic friends you have grown out of in your life doesn’t feel good in the long run either.
Trust yourself when you decide to end the relationship. In time, you’ll find a friend who’s the right size and matches your new style!
Bottom line
Losing toxic friends doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. In fact, it can mean the exact opposite. When we assess our relationships to see if they’re meeting our goals, we can learn to either strengthen our good relationships or release unsatisfactory ones.
Either way, we gain clarity about ourselves and our needs. Even if we have to walk away from a relationship, we’ll have learned something that we can always keep with us.
