When I was growing up, I had this strange idea that I had to reach common milestones by a certain age. I had to do things such as date, go to college, and have my own car either when my peers did or, preferably, before. At the time, I didn’t even consider the fact that I was just living a different life.
It was stupid.
I thought that if I didn’t reach common milestones by a certain time, I would be behind. I thought people would judge me and think I was a failure if I took a different path.
Based on my weird thought process, life was a race. Whoever got to the finish line faster (whatever that was supposed to mean) was somehow better than everyone else.
Because I thought that way, even just subconsciously, I used to constantly compare my life to that of others and wonder how I was doing compared to them.
Was I fast enough in this race called life? Was I smart enough, attractive enough, or well-connected enough to “win”?
I would look at someone else’s life and think, “Oh no, she graduated six months before I did! What am I doing? I’m behind — I must be doing something wrong.”
Over and over, I would over-analyze my way into a miserable, unproductive heap of self-doubt.
I assumed I wasn’t where I needed to be simply because I was doing things differently and living a different life.
The comparison game is a waste of time
Have you been there too? If so, I don’t blame you — comparison seems to come naturally to us humans.
But here’s the thing — it’s completely unnecessary.
Why?
Because there are over 7.5 billion people on earth. How can we possibly expect each one of us to grow and reach certain milestones at exactly the same time?
How can we expect each of us to have exactly the same journey, even though we are all so different?
It’s not just unrealistic, it’s unhealthy, as I’ve experienced.
Thinking we have to do what others are doing only leads to the incorrect idea that we can’t succeed while following a path that works for us.
The reality is, we can and we should.
Let go of peer pressure
Some of us will do things or discover things the rest of us won’t. That’s a fact. But is it really the end of the world? Is it such a tragedy that you’re living a different life than someone else?
Of course not. It just means you’re moving through life doing what makes sense for you. That’s a good thing.
For instance, when I was a child I wanted to be a physician like my aunt. Now that I’m an adult, though, I realize being a doctor isn’t the right path for me.
I love and admire doctors, and I’m amazed by their knowledge. But that doesn’t mean I should be a doctor too.
That’s why it wouldn’t make sense for me to compare myself to my peers who are in med school: We’re not aiming toward the same things because we have different visions of the future — that’s normal and healthy.
If we were all alike, the world would be a much less interesting place.
As the saying goes,
“There is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine at different times.”
So does each one of us.
Just because you’re doing things differently doesn’t mean you’re doing them wrong
I’ve been extremely blessed in life. Not only have I attended college at all, but I’ve attended four universities over a span of four years. (Yes, I have commitment issues.)
Obviously, I could have done a few things differently to graduate faster.
I could have simply gotten my degree at the first college I attended and moved on after graduation. It would have been simpler and probably easier.
Sometimes, I look back with frustration when I compare my journey to that of my friends, who attended just one university and graduated faster.
But in the end, I wouldn’t change the experiences I’ve had for anything. The fact is, the first college I attended wasn’t a good fit for me. And I knew it.
By choosing to change and do what was best for my future, I got to meet people and expand my horizons considerably.
I’ve realized it was those experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today. Without them, I might not have found my way as I have now.
That’s why I’m so grateful I’m living a different life and embracing it – because I’ve been enriched and challenged in ways I might not have been otherwise.
Bottom line
You don’t have to be like everyone else. You don’t have to compare your journey to anyone else’s. If you want, you can start living a different life – and thrive doing it.
Remember: You are unique, and so is the path you’ve been on since you were born. Of course, you’ll probably meet people who have roughly the same vision for the future, but they won’t have exactly the same past or goals as you.
The fact is, no one will.
That’s okay. It’s normal. Just keep focusing on your own journey and don’t worry too much about what other people are doing.
Despite what I used to think, life is not a race. Take your time and enjoy what you have right now.
This article first appeared on Medium.
