When I was in college, I had some extraordinary friends. They were the kind of people who seemed to have magnets attached to them — everyone gravitated toward them and fought for their attention.
They ran clubs and got people to do anything they wanted them to do. They were amazing.
And I’ve realized that all these friends had a few of the same qualities that I think made all the difference.
So, if you want to be even more awesome than you already are (if that’s even possible), here are a few things you should do.
1. Pay complete attention when someone talks to you.
In this age of buzzing cellphones and other distractions, actually listening to someone is one of the highest compliments you can give them.
Without saying a word, it says, “I value what you have to say, so I’m giving you my undivided attention.”
I automatically like someone who listens. It doesn’t matter if they’re the customer service rep at Tracphone or someone I’ve known my whole life.
If you pay attention when I talk, you’re going to win a place on my “favorite people in the universe” list.
(No, I don’t have such a list. I’m not that weird. But if I did, you’d be on it.)
2. Don’t just listen when someone talks to you — show you care about what they just said.
You can be the best listener in the world and give all your attention to someone, but if you say, “that’s nice” or “cool” when someone tells you their husband just died in a car accident, they’re going to think you either weren’t really listening or you don’t care.
You don’t want them to think either of those things. Ever. Don’t just give your full attention — give the other person a good reason to think you value them.
I’ve found that if something awful happens to someone, sometimes all they need from you is a hug. Honestly.
One of my relatives lost a dear friend recently. It was so hard on her.
But she didn’t need a speech from me. She didn’t need to hear how sorry I was. She already knew I was sorry.
I just held her as she cried. It was simple. That’s what she really needed.
Remember — flowery words aren’t as important as having empathy and showing up. If you do that, people will never forget it.
3. Follow through on what you say you’ll do.
There’s nothing more frustrating than someone who says they’ll do something but who doesn’t follow through on their promise.
It doesn’t matter what it is. Following through can be as simple as meeting someone on time or calling when you say you’ll call.
If you’re consistent, people will love you for it. And if you’re consistent in small things, people will also trust that you’ll be consistent in big things.
4. Remember things people tell you.
Make it a point to remember little details about someone. Why? Because they matter to the person.
If someone tells you when their birthday is, for example, make a note of it.
And when their birthday comes around, don’t miss it. By all means, send them a note. No matter where you are, the internet makes it easy.
Those little things might seem little, but they’re not. They show you care. And they show the other person they matter. Those are great things.
Unfortunately, most people don’t care about seemingly little details like birthdays. That’s why you’ll stand out if you make it a point to remember them. And people will love you for it.
5. Be the same person in front of everyone.
In other words, be genuine. It’s off-putting when someone puts on an act for certain people and behaves differently in front of others.
Why is it off-putting? Because it’s obvious what they’re doing. They’re trying to appear in the best possible light for everyone.
Now, to be fair, I get that. I guess we all want to look our best. Last time I checked, we’re only human.
But the thing is, no one trusts or likes people who aren’t sincere.
We all mess up and do embarrassing things sometimes — I think that’s what unites us more than anything else. There’s no reason to hide behind a fake persona.
Did I tell you the time I had to go outside for a minute while I was brushing my teeth and people walking down the street looked at me like I had three heads?
No? Well, now you know. It was embarrassing.
But back to what I was saying — be genuine no matter what, and people will appreciate it more than you can imagine.
6. Appreciate what people do for you.
No one wants to be taken for granted.
No matter what someone does for you, make it a point to show them how grateful you are.
It doesn’t matter if they’re the person who hands you your coffee at a drive-thru or the person who does your taxes – whenever someone takes time out of their day to help you, be grateful.
People will appreciate it.
To sum up:
- Pay attention when people talk to you.
- Show them you care about what they said in a conversation.
- If you say you’ll do something, do it.
- Remember details people tell you.
- Be genuine in front of everyone.
- Show gratitude to anyone who helps you.
The most important thing to remember is, you don’t have to be perfect for people to like you — no one is.
Being genuine and caring beats being fake and “flawless” any day.
This article first appeared on Medium.
